Love is in Unexpected Packages...

 

God shows up in the weakest & most unexpected places. 

He is in the lost, lonely, and hopeless ones. 

Nobody expected to find a KING in a dirty hay covered shack.

They were looking a strong man seated on a throne of a castle. 

Of course, that is what is expected. 

God never does what we expect. He is way too creative for that. After all, He created the creators of the most creative things! He is the MASTER of all MASTERS!

His plan is way grander than ours, although grand things may come in the small packages.

The prettiest presents may come in the most boring wrapping paper. 

God is not about big boxes with shiny bows. 

He is not for the rich of this world, but is for the rich at heart.

You have to look low to find Him in the meek and mild...

This in not just referring to His birth...

It's in our lives everyday.

 We imagine life on grand scale, big, bold, colorful, &  loud!

But He plans the opposite of what we expect. He is full of surprises. He outshines our brightest dream.

How boring would that be if He always did everything we imagined?

That makes our imaginations equal or larger than His...

But He created out imaginations, and He is always steps... no...

 LIFETIMES ahead of us!

We cannot out-imagine Him or plan more perfectly than Him. 

Just be still, listen, trust, and follow the Star. 

It will lead you to a quiet, humble, peaceful, wonderful place. 

Have a Blessed CHRISTmas! 

Love, 

tabitha seaton

of TheLostSock

Good Food and Dreams... remembering Shannon.

Pure Honesty right this second...

I was thinking about my late husband, Shannon Seaton, who passed almost 5 moths ago. He left a hole that I am finding hard to fill. I know God gives me peace and comfort, but if I am just being honest here... the hole Shannon left is not gone. Not sure if it will ever be till I see him again in Heaven. Maybe, that's the point. All holes will be filled when we go Home. Maybe it is those holes we have here on earth that drive our vision to Heaven...

I started this blog ONLY because of Shannon. He encouraged me so much creatively. He never denied me in that way. He was my greatest fan and full support. He wanted me to show my art and faith to the world. He was the one that researched differnt blog sites for me and pushed me to start. That is the incredibleness of him. He put my dreams before his own. When I really got into my blog, I would stay up late nights at times and Shannon would go to bed before me just waiting up for me to get done, "I'm almost done", I would say, "Just one second"... seconds later.... "5 more minutes...."... then snores from him. He would try to wait. But he never complained. Even the thrifty fashionista aspect of the LostSock blog... he was the photographer behind the scenes. He WANTED to take pictures of his girls dressed up. He loved to do this on Sundays after church. He was so amazing. I started to feel guilty as I spend time on my blog. I knew Shannon always had the dream of traveling Texas and visiting every burger and BBQ joint in the state and giving his own critique of each one. I started his blog page for him, hoping he would want to do one too.

Shannon loved LaWaffalata

downtown Mineola the most.

He was a man with a big appetite... and this is a "tea room" kinda place.

But this never stopped him. He always left full and happy. It was always the first place he would call on the weekends to see what their specials were. We went to different cites to eat burgers that were on the "Texas Monthly Burger Fame" list.

He said nothing beat the Hangover Burger East Texas Burger had that one New Years Day.

(he was not hung over... just had good taste).

These pictures below were taken by Shannon as I encouraged him to start blogging.

He had excuses not to, but I told him..

 "Just start local first, no big commintment, then go from there.".

The "specials" at LaWaffalata.

Our last mean together at LaWaffalata...

never would have known.

My meal on left, the Slider

Shannon's meal on right, the burger special.

                                                       Below is Shannon and Maisy

eating at East Texas Burger (joined to LaWaffalata). This is their favorite dinner spot, cause unfortunately, LaWaffalata is not open for dinner. Shannon always wished it was.

This was another burger at LaWaffalata that Shannon took a picture of...

He liked avacado, bacon, and grilled onions on his burger with the jalepenjo cheese bun.

Shannon would always make me run out and check the special board outside LaWaffala to see what they were having, but by the time I would run back to the car, I would forget. So, I got smart one afternoon and just took a picture!

Shannon also loved Kitchen's Hardware and Deli.

If the specials were not so special sounding to him at his first choice,

we would go to the Deli.

He often made reservations on Friday nights here too for our date nights.

He loved thier steak!

Every time we go to Kitchen's for lunch,

Shannon would ask for the "secret sauce".

It is just a kind of horseradish ranch suace the regulars that know about it put on thier saltine crackers. We never knew what it was, but all the old men that come in regularly would have it and one day Shannon just asked what it was and tried it. He asked for it every time after that.

The girls Madelynn and Maisy eating the "secret sauce" on their saltines.

They have kids' menus that you can color on too. Fun for them... and me too.

This was our very last mean at Kitchen's only days before Shannon past.

He never got the nachos but wanted to try somethign new.

His regular was the Shilou Plate.

He was going to do a section in his Beans, Bacon and Chopstick blog

about what I ate. He was fascinated by my food. He always teased me because I ate the oddest things.

This is my cripsy chicken salad with ranch and blue cheese crumbles. Not that weird.  

 Shannon's Blog... dreams left undone.

    http://beansbaconchopsticks.blogspot.com/

I hepled him with the name, made the design. A week before he passed, we ate at a couple of his favorite places downtown Mineola, Texas (our home town). I took pictures of his plate before he ate, posed him fork in hand and even the girls too. I wanted him to want to start blogging. But the passion just was not there for him He dreamed my dreams for me more than his own. I wonder if God made him to dream through me? I don't mean this selfishly... I mean, Shannon was a behind the stage man. He wanted to go unnoticed. He was humble down deep. He loved to see me shine. He revamped a vintage trailor to be my art studio. I never worked in it cause I didn't want to go out away from him to work. So, he moved all the stuff out years later and changed out dinging room we never ate in to my art studio. He never questioned my dreams. I was a grain of sand, he was my clam. I was a lump of coal, he was my mine. He brought out the best in me.

And now i am here.. with my blog... withough him. Still going... still dreaming.

I remember only a few days before he passed, that Friday night we were blessed with a date night to go see a friend act in a play and go eat dinner. Shannon always wanted an old car. That was one dream we had toghether. We promised one day we would do it and stopped road side many times to check out cars and consider. But that night we had our date... He almost broke his neck when he saw an old truck on the side of the road for sale. He pulled over, got out, stood on the side rail, peeked in. He just stood there dreaming. I remember looking at him and thinking, "Man, that is the most handsome Shannon has ever looked, standing there with dreams twinkling in his eyes, all passionate and sexy (sorry)". I did not tell him this though. But the way he lingered there on that truck, dreams in his eyes, passion inside.

But then let it go. Then he walked back to the car so we could drive back home to our little girls and our bed. He let them go... His dreams.

Five days later, he left us to something bigger and grander.

The place that holds all dreams.

That puts life into perspective for me, truly.

What dreams do I have that are not important? Which ones do I need to let go to God?

I know God took Shannon from me, and here I am lonely as i've ever been.

I have dreams not of finding another mate, bruildig another love, hope for a father figure for my girls to grow with. The desire to make new memories and move on to a happier place.

But, then I wonder... are these just dreams of MINE...not dreams of HIs.

What are dreams anyways?

Shannon lived to make my dreams grow and they produce fruit still and give life.

He left a earthly home that was not completed. I am here to finish the work

while he goes on to get things ready for us in our eternal home that will never fall.

His dreams are done. I just wonder if he is cheering us on form the cloud of witnesses.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (loved ones we lost),
let us also lay aside every encumbrance(dreaming dead-end dreams in vain), 
and the sin (selfishness) which so easily entangles us and
let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (God's dreams),
fixing our eyes on Jesus (seeing clearly eternity),
the author and perfecter of faith (He wrote our life, beginning to end),
who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."…
Hebrew 12:1

Is he seeing us from the grandstands, a witness from the clouds,
 trying to steer us to follow the dreams of eternal value, cheering us on?

I pray that I make the right choices,
and follow the ones that will lead to eternity and branching roads of opportunity

rather than chasing the selfish ones in vain that lead to dead ends.

 I pray we all do.

Thank you God for giving me Shannon for 10 years.
Thank you for his encouragement to nurture my creative dreams that magnify your presence.

He was so unselfish to dream through us, just watching from backstage and behing the camera lens...

You are greatly missed my love.

Your Forever Girls

Tabitha, Madelynn, and Maisy

A blog post dedicated to my best friend...

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/07/my-best-friend.html

Let Him Lead...

Most of the time my art is a reflection of my heart. My emotions are like a roller coaster lately so the best thing for me to do in my grief is be cath"ART"ic!

I feel... I think... I spew! It keeps me sane. 

I have a horrible habit of overthinking things & letting little things become HUGE things after running through my imagination. My mind is always making "movies" of my life & future that do nothing but lead to false hopes and dreams. Call me crazy or out of control, it's the curse of a creative spirit I guess. My mind is always on the move. But, knowing my flaws well, I choose to switch the track over and get it right in a more positive & productive direction. 

I am disillusioned to believe that my dead-end hopes and dreams will go anywhere under my control. Nothing I envision alone ever turns put how I imagined! So why do I do it? Cause it is entertaining temporarily, but eventually painful. 

So, like I repeat to myself DAILY... 

let Him Lead!!!

I know this! But it sure is hard. But  once I have been let down by my own reality enough times, I realize if I relinquish my dreams to His plan... He has something better planned that is beyond my wildest dreams! I just have to let go of the steering and trust His breath & light to blow my sail & light my way. 

If God is for Us...

 

Art by Tabitha Seaton

I have worked on commission for people needing art in the past and I still do from time to time. 

But, this is not my passion or the legacy I want to leave here. 

One client I worked for in the past confronted me about my art. They warned me not to be so open and free with my ideas. They fearfully thought & warned that people of the world could take advantage and steal my ideas and claim them for their own benefit. 

This may be true... and I thought about it for a few seconds.

But, I feel the Spirit took away all fear of that fairly quickly. 

I felt as though these ideas were from God, He gave them to me. So, it is my duty to unselfishly give them back to my neighbor to further His kingdom.

I should not hoard my ideas away and wait to be discovered...

Since I was saved, I have a new perspective on things, a more eternal outlook. 

I think that if I died tomorrow (which in my life I have found is very unpredictable),

what will matter most? 

Hide your ideas, His word, my light, my Spirit and possibly loose earthly treasure

or

Show my ideas, His word, my light, my Spirit and be promised eternal treasures?

HMMMMMMM... I prefer the second one.

If some person of this world were to "steal my ideas" or take my poems of faith and use them as their own, that would be hypocritical anyways. Why would a person steal God's words? These 2 things do not sit parallel together.  If a person stole something of mine that I made for Him, then they are stealing from God... therefor, He will judge. I will probably never know they did, but He will.

"If God is for Me, who can be against me?" 

He is my lawyer, He rules supreme, and It is His decision that will be the last.

So, knowing this, claiming it as truth, I am not afraid or worried about this 

AT ALL!

I am not selfish with my art that applies to my faith because in in reality, it is not mine... it is His. 

The whole purpose it to take what God gave me and pass it around to help others.

God's word is FILLED with this perspective as a Commandment!

If His desire for me is to be a fisher of men,

I using my art as my bait...

and I am not about to ask those fish for money!

  

People are always saying, "You should sell this" or "you forgot to sign this". 

I do not do work for the purpose of selling 

(although if somebody insists or initiates, I will consider). 

I really just create my faith art as a means of personally connecting myself (or others in turn) to Christ. Creating is my main way of worship. When I create, I get "in the zone". My mind disappears to another place where I lose track of my surroundings 

(time, stress, eating, others and myself really).

These are physical things that I escape. I move to the Spirit Realm. 

This is how we are told to worship Him...

John 4:24

"God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth."

Spirit is unseen, not of this world. So we must make our minds leave HERE to get THERE

so we can SEE HIM with the eyes of our hearts.

I am not looking for money or fame or anything of this world that will not last. 

 Isaiah 40:8 

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever."

If I do not want to get "paid" by this world for what I share, 

because the prize I receive here will wither when I leave.

 Matthew 6:19-21

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

 2 Corinthians 4:18

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 

I encourage you  

to find your way of "worship".

What gets you "lost". 

What makes you forget the world?

If you don't know, pray for God to reveal it to you, or give you something.

When you find it, use it to glorify Him. 

Let Him steal your show!

Cause I know, "I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul". 

Listen to "Lose My Soul" by Toby Mac

here on YouTube VEVO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coHKdhAZ9hU&list=PL5A5A54FBA6C75816 

 see also

Also, Kari Jobe's "You are for Me" YouTube video/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbSMfL5LuSo

Always Kiss Goodnight, Ephisians 4:26

Ephesians 4

"26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath,... 

32 and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you."

Communication is the most important thing in a marriage. When you communicate, you respect the others' feelings. Even if you are communicating something that is wrong, you are still communicating.  In my walk of faith and marriage, I have learned 1 thing:

If I cannot talk to my husband or my Heavenly Father,

 then there is something I am holding back or hurt by... and it needs to be addressed ASAP!

Because, if the flow of communications stops, the relationship dwindles.

There were times in my 10 years of marriage, that I needed to tell Shannon something that was eating me up inside, but I fought it. When the night came, I just could not sleep without telling him. There were times in our marriage where one of us was doing something very wrong, and it was not talked about for a long long time. This made a giant hole in the marriage. 

Finally, when it came to the light,

 it took longer to heal because it took longer to reveal.

It was slept on too many nights!

I remember Shannon and I had an old headboard with a big piece of wood on it and we did not really like it. We wanted to carve this phrase into the wood to remind us every night that if we could not kiss, then we were doing something wrong. Whether it was pride of who won an argument, or one fell asleep without the other because one wanted to stay up late and watch television, or one ate too many onions! Whatever... There were some times we stayed up too late in bed just talking and talking and both of us fell asleep without a kiss. I think that is excusable though. But, If you pretty much practice this rule, things are good. Just be careful for the kisses not to be insincere and ritualistic. These can hide things.

This same rule goes for our relationship with Christ. No, we cannot "kiss" him, but a kiss is a physical act of showing love. So, a spiritual act of showing love is prayer and time with God. If we cannot do these things, then there is an error in the relationship that needs to be addressed ASAP! Or else, your walk and relationship with Him is slowly dwindling. This problem will lead to many many other problems in your life! It will effect every area. The Bible says in Matthew 6:33

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." So apposed the that, if we do not seek Him first, all these things will be subtracted unto you!

Also, the Bible says the GREATEST COMMANDMENT is “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind".. Luke 10:27. So, he is Commanding us to Love Him first, our "kiss" for him every night is to talk with Him, lay it all down.  

The bedroom is a sacred place. It is a place of rest and intimacy all at one time. We cannot do either one without the other. We cannot love our spouse fully and properly without first loving the One that made us for each other and joined us together. How can you ignore that? 

Being Patience for His Gifts... my first Christmas as a young widow.

This will be our first Christmas without having Shannon here.

My husband, Shannon, passed away almost five months ago and I have been dreading Christmas since. He LOVED Christmas.

As a woman of faith, hope set in very soon after Shannon past. Instead of looking back, I looked forward. Although I was missing Shannon, I was looking forward to what God had planned for us. His plan was a total mystery to me. Why did He take Shannon? Why now? These were not questions rooted in doubt or hate, but mystery, curiosity and excitement. I could not even understand my own emotions because to this natural world, they seem odd. Even to me, a woman of faith, I questioned my grief. Was I doing it right? How was I excited so soon into it all? I still do not know, except for the fact that I have a close connection to Christ. When I found Shannon on the lawn where he passed, I felt a flood of peace run over me as I prayed in the Spirit over him. I think this was a gift God gave me. That is all I can give as an explanation. The world may think I am heartless to be so accepting & understanding soon after my husband passed, but it's MY grief. 

Through my experience, it's not lacking heart...it is more like 

GOD HAS MY HEART and HE GIVES ME PEACE.

After about a month, I began to be very anxious about my future. 

I wrote many blog post about this feeling and made many videos about it as well (see below). 

It was intense! I was a little worried about being alone FOREVER and having to be single. 

I was dependent on Shannon for SO MUCH! He spoiled me with love, encouragement, care, cleaning, cooking, bills, and lots more for us as a family. He worked hard and now it was me having to take all I knew (very little) and all my strength to work, raise my family, and keep up with all life requires. I was not used to being in charge!

I was lost... and incredibly lonely. 

I wanted to have something happen NOW! I knew I wanted to follow His plan, but kept asking Him to hurry it up! I "hear" God's voice often. This is because I open up to Him regularly, not matter what the circumstance or mood I may be in.  Like a loving father, When I would question His ways... He would give me a wise answer. He began showing me in my mind a caterpillar entering a pupa state and resting. I understood what He meant, tried to rest up and let Him transform me, but it was not fun... it was lonely. I wanted to move, have excitement, look forward to something, LIVE! I did not really like the idea of being a fat lazy caterpillar, so I kinda ignored this Heavenly vision. I still asked God, hoping for a different answer. The second time, He showed me a beautiful lit up Christmas tree in the corner of our living room with Shannon's green lounge chair stretched a distance away. The tree was fixed up just like Shannon would have set it up if he were here. God showed me the presents beneath and told me they were the gifts He promised me for our future. He let me know that he DID have big plans for me and my family. But, that for now, He wanted me to not worry about them and focus on the moment at hand. I could wonder and be excited, but not worry or try to impatiently plan my own gifts. He told me that even if I did open the gifts now, I would not be able to use, appreciate, or understand them. He has to teach me slowly all His ways before I can comprehend his plan and the gifts it contains. He told me that instead of sitting by the tree waiting, there was a way to make it "faster". He wanted me to sit with Him in Shannon's green chair and just look at the tree with Him. Just be still, peaceful, and talk to Him while we waited... together. I did like this idea better than the caterpillar... But still, my Heavenly Father was not giving His spoiled little girl the answer she wanted... 

I don't want to SIT STILL! I want it my way and fast! 

(Verruca Salt style)

So, I guess you could say I somewhat ventured on my own to find ways to "fill" my desires. Filling my life with things that made me temporarily happy and less lonely. Unknowingly, these things became my "God" and a lesser form of Idolatry. When I left His will. I left Him for a bit. I was not talking to Him anymore. Or, when I tried, it was just awkward and insincere. I had no peace. 

So, I prayed my pruning prayer... a prayer I often do when I am seriously seeking His will.

see here...

Video and Past Blog Post

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDoF_x-YLCo)

(http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/10/prune-my-passions-of-gardener-of-grace.html)

When I stepped back pruned hearted and changed my perspective... I realized what I was doing, which didn't seem wrong really, was NOT what He wanted, I realized I was hurting him by pushing His plan away. He wanted to spend time with me, but like a child, I was refusing. Just like a kid, I wanted to do it all by myself. I thought I knew better than my father. His ideas take too long! But, a mansion is not built in one day. Nothing good comes fast! If I wanted a good home to live in forever that lasted, would I want it built quickly? What was I rushing, and what was I missing out on? Sometimes a person wants you to love them and spend time with them, but when you refuse them, it is hurtful. You quit asking cause you know you can't MAKE anyone love you. And if you ahve to ASK, the act of them "loving" you seems insincere. So, You have to just patiently sit and wait for them to realize your love. That was what God did.. 

He waited for me while I wouldn't wait for Him. 

I was so mad at myself for refusing His request to spend time with Him intimately. I then remembered when I was married to Shannon and I became recreated in Christ. In the beginning, I wanted so bad to just lock myself in my closet and worship Him in my Secret Place... but I wasn't sure if Shannon would understand. He would wonder where I was. I was not strong enough to explain to him the importance of being ALONE and STILL with Christ. 

At that time, my deepest desire was to just be alone the Father. 

I just wanted CHRIST ALONE!

Well, now, there was no other man here stopping me. 

God was my new husband, and he WANTED ME!

So, that was I waiting for!!!???

 Why was I fighting Him? Why was I running? 

It reminded me of this song by Tenth Avenue North called, By Your Side.

Watch and Listen here ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHgNCj4DU_M

In the same way that you can't MAKE somebody love you, 

You can't MAKE things happen!

If you try to force situations or relationships outside of His plan, you are messing with His masterpiece, conducting His symphony! We cannot teach the Teacher! We cannot out-master the Master.  It will just turn out bringing you shame, rejection, pain, regret, fear, grief, or total heartache. When you realize the mess you made all by yourself, God will lovingly clean it up for you

 all by Himself (it's called Grace)! And while your Savior is on His holy knees cleaning up your mess, sifting through the wrapping paper you just HAD TO tear off, He will not condemn you. That shame you hold... He will hear it like a messy bib and take the blame (it's called the Cross).

 "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17

 But in the foolish process.. you lost precious time. In the end, it takes even LONGER than it should have for His plan to work out. We ruin HIS perfect plan by becoming impatient and stubborn. 

So, after I asked my Father and He gave me an answer... I did not listen the first or second time. 

So, now, after wasting some heartache and valuable time, I am here to listen and love.

I am going to rest, let Him lead while I sit in His Presence trusting His plan. 

I will wait for HIS gift. He knows me better than I know myself, He MADE ME! So, He knows what kind of gift I would love. 

HE GIVES PERFECT PRESENTS!

James 1:17

"Every good and perfect gift comes from Him.

 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."

Matthew 7:11

Heavenly Father knows how to give good Gifts.

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

HE PROMISES HOPE & FUTURE

Jeremiah 29:11

He promises good things to come from His plan...

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I HEAR HIS VOICE...
Sheep are dumb, ok! They know nothing without guidance. There is no coincidence His word compares us to them. I do better in life when I humble myself and am totally reliant of my Shepard. You cannot hear Him if all you hear is YOURSELF!
John 10:27
 "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.…"

HIS WAY BRINGS PEACE, OURS IS FOOLISHNESS.

only a fool follows foolishness. 

Make a mistake once, you are naive and normal. Do it again, you are a FOOL!

Psalm 85:8

"I listen carefully to what God the LORD is saying, for he speaks peace to his faithful people. But let them not return to their foolish ways."

May God Bless whoever reads this and may my words here bring comfort and knowledge for them to apply to their life and increase their closeness to the Father...

PEACE BE WITH YOU, 

Tabitha, the Lost Sock

MORE RELATED PAST POSTS

 Not wanting to stay still...

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/03/hamster-on-wheel-art-and-poetry.html

Wanting to see the Road all at once, but He shows us Brick by Brick

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/08/where-is-my-yellow-brick-road.html

Past BlogPost of His Pupa Vision...

 http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/09/cocoon-of-change.html

 AND

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/09/wrapped-in-stillness-of-him.html

Past BlogPost of Weeding out my Selfish Desires from my heart...

those innocent "idols", forced relationships...

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/10/prune-my-passions-of-gardener-of-grace.html

A lonely widow's video ramblings...

my way as an individual of faith dealing with my roller coaster of emotions

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/08/diary-of-young-widow.html

Being perfectly honest is best...

 

Above Artwork and Phrase

by Tabitha Seaton

My best friend & husband of 10 years passed away over 4 months ago unexpectedly. During the mourning process, I am trying to make sense of what was left behind and what I learned from our time here together on earth. We had an amazing marriage! We shared much more than some do in an entire lifetime and I know I was blessed with him. There is no denying he was the one God planned for me. I know this because I prayed for his arrival months before we met in Art Class at Sam Houston State. After many pointless and painful relationships, I decided to do something I had never done before. My heart was worn, so I gave it to God. This was the best thing I had done in my life at that point.  I put my love life in the fully hands of Christ, because love in my hands always failed. I decided to see love through His eyes and trust what He knew I needed, rather than what I wanted. After all, HE MADE ME and MADE a PARTNER for me.

We married and had 2 beautiful girls, Maisy  (2) and Madelynn (6). We got along marvelously, shared in tasks around the house, worked together well. He made me feel beautiful everyday and special in some way. We hardly ever fought... If we did it ended in laughing and love. We were perfect for TOGETHER... But not perfect individually. Shannon always seemed to have a high self esteem. He was an only child, had a lot of encouragement, was cultured. gifted, and talented. He was a drama teacher and actor occasionally himself. All of these things he did wonderfully... and he knew it too! So did I, he had every right to have high esteem... He also was a great artist, a great musician, a great writer, a great singer, speaker, debater, organizer, lawn keeper, decorator, bowler, tennis player, driver, historian, pop-culturer (is that a word? Shannon would know), house keeper, child bather, navigator, cook.... & the List goes on. We tended to be a competitive couple!  All his bragging led to me having to show him up often and bring him back to humility. My point is, Shannon did not seem to lack confidence in any area of life... I said "seem". He wanted to appear to others as confident. He wanted others to see his polished best. But he was also a good actor. He hardly ever spoke words of self doubt out loud to me, but I had clues. 

I often felt like our marriage was a fairy tale. No bumps, no bruises, scars, or tests. More laughter than tears. It seemed perfect...

I remember very specifically hearing a talk show on the radio while alone in my car about a married couple that had a specific bump they overcame. I though, " I will never have to worry about THAT, our marriage is perfect! But God, is it? Will you ever give us reality, a bump, character, hardship, anything?" Well, God was listening. That exact bump that radio couple had, that bump I thought we were invincible of.. the one area I felt totally secure in, it was the exact specific "bump" we hit in owr own marriage. (Note: The kind of bump we met has no importance, reason, or life to mention, so I will leave out too personal details.)
Till then, our marriage was a beautiful show... a happily ever after play. Only, I was the one in the audience clapping and loving every minute of it.  I was entranced by the spotlight and not worried about backstage and what was hiding behind the curtain. I was seeing the mirage of our marriage. I would soon find out that Shannon was working hard to put on this play, but it was about to get real, just like I asked for...

Shannon loved acting, obviously he made a living teaching others his passion. He directed more than acted himself. But when he did act, he felt confident in the light. He absorbed it. It gave him a confident high. He loved the applause when he was IN character. But, not many people knew this, he loathed the moment after curtain close where the audience came to tell the actors "good job", "will you sign my program?" Or whatever they say. He never wanted to crack out of character.

Although Shannon loved the light when he was acting, when the curtain closed, costume came off, and makeup was removed, my humbled friend was not perfect... He was perfectly real. . This always mysteriously intrigued me about him, cause he always seemed so confident all the time. But, this was an act. He had been hiding his shame & dark flaws from me to keep me happy, cheering, and loving him. But, in the end... when I saw behind the curtain, it did the exact opposite. It hurt. My happiness was in knowing him honestly, being included in his reality backstage; no coverup, no lies, no front, just HIM, Shannon Seaton. This man I admired much more than the strong, confident hero he was playing.

I thought our marriage was "perfect" before the bump, but the bump was what shook us to reality. Raw reality was more beautiful than spotlight fantasy. No matter how much honesty can sometimes hurt a person, it has a freedom beneath. If we let the hurt of the painful truth Go to God, He will supernaturally strengthen the bond and fill your hearts with a forgiveness for the bearer of the pain. This takes time though... Our hearts are human. When we are hurt, we retreat and build walls. This shuts out more than just the one that hurt us... it shuts out GOD! (see Matthew 6:14-15) It took a year of hiding my pain from the audience of our marriage to truly move past it. Being backstage with Shannon took some soul searching. It was a giant change, a leap into reality. When I began to expose it through writing and art, God began making my heart stronger. In turn, I opened it back up to Shannon and The Lord strengthened the trust and bond between us even more than before. 

The last year of marriage, the curtain was closed, spotlight was off, and our it was REAL. I found more honesty over perfection. More humility over pride. A curtain to the Heavens was opened that we never knew was there & God filled our home with His light. It humbly brought us to our knees as a couple. We realized we couldn't do marriage without him. He was our third chord.
 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

In this year. We learned more about God, each other, ourselves, love, forgiveness, honesty, sincerity, grief, healing, trust, and the refreshing spirit of human imperfection linked with the deep thirst for the Perfecter.  If there's no perfect people, there's no perfect marriage. But there is a perfect God. With faith, there is a bond that holds two imperfect people together perfectly, but without it... Every marriage, every person fails. Nothing is strong enough without it. In reality, It's not about being perfect (cause NOBODY is), it's about being perfectly honesty with each other. 
God says, " "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made PERFECT in WEAKNESS."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 
2 Corinthians 12:9

I thank God for allowing me to have His beauty and heavenly light in my marriage that exposed truth... while the earthly curtain was closed. I do not regret Shannon's leaving, cause I know it was perfect timing from the Perfecter. He left when our love was at it's highest point. There were no secrets... just reality. I loved a man that was great at many many things. But those things did not impress me much. It was his real imperfections that drew me closer in the end. I know God sees us that way too. For when we boast in our weaknesses and expose truth, it allows God to show his strength and take control. In the wings, behind the earthly curtain, there is a greater spotlight for a greater glory that is eternal beyond this world. 

In my home, prideful perfection is rejected and humble honesty is expected.