Good Food and Dreams... remembering Shannon.

Pure Honesty right this second...

I was thinking about my late husband, Shannon Seaton, who passed almost 5 moths ago. He left a hole that I am finding hard to fill. I know God gives me peace and comfort, but if I am just being honest here... the hole Shannon left is not gone. Not sure if it will ever be till I see him again in Heaven. Maybe, that's the point. All holes will be filled when we go Home. Maybe it is those holes we have here on earth that drive our vision to Heaven...

I started this blog ONLY because of Shannon. He encouraged me so much creatively. He never denied me in that way. He was my greatest fan and full support. He wanted me to show my art and faith to the world. He was the one that researched differnt blog sites for me and pushed me to start. That is the incredibleness of him. He put my dreams before his own. When I really got into my blog, I would stay up late nights at times and Shannon would go to bed before me just waiting up for me to get done, "I'm almost done", I would say, "Just one second"... seconds later.... "5 more minutes...."... then snores from him. He would try to wait. But he never complained. Even the thrifty fashionista aspect of the LostSock blog... he was the photographer behind the scenes. He WANTED to take pictures of his girls dressed up. He loved to do this on Sundays after church. He was so amazing. I started to feel guilty as I spend time on my blog. I knew Shannon always had the dream of traveling Texas and visiting every burger and BBQ joint in the state and giving his own critique of each one. I started his blog page for him, hoping he would want to do one too.

Shannon loved LaWaffalata

downtown Mineola the most.

He was a man with a big appetite... and this is a "tea room" kinda place.

But this never stopped him. He always left full and happy. It was always the first place he would call on the weekends to see what their specials were. We went to different cites to eat burgers that were on the "Texas Monthly Burger Fame" list.

He said nothing beat the Hangover Burger East Texas Burger had that one New Years Day.

(he was not hung over... just had good taste).

These pictures below were taken by Shannon as I encouraged him to start blogging.

He had excuses not to, but I told him..

 "Just start local first, no big commintment, then go from there.".

The "specials" at LaWaffalata.

Our last mean together at LaWaffalata...

never would have known.

My meal on left, the Slider

Shannon's meal on right, the burger special.

                                                       Below is Shannon and Maisy

eating at East Texas Burger (joined to LaWaffalata). This is their favorite dinner spot, cause unfortunately, LaWaffalata is not open for dinner. Shannon always wished it was.

This was another burger at LaWaffalata that Shannon took a picture of...

He liked avacado, bacon, and grilled onions on his burger with the jalepenjo cheese bun.

Shannon would always make me run out and check the special board outside LaWaffala to see what they were having, but by the time I would run back to the car, I would forget. So, I got smart one afternoon and just took a picture!

Shannon also loved Kitchen's Hardware and Deli.

If the specials were not so special sounding to him at his first choice,

we would go to the Deli.

He often made reservations on Friday nights here too for our date nights.

He loved thier steak!

Every time we go to Kitchen's for lunch,

Shannon would ask for the "secret sauce".

It is just a kind of horseradish ranch suace the regulars that know about it put on thier saltine crackers. We never knew what it was, but all the old men that come in regularly would have it and one day Shannon just asked what it was and tried it. He asked for it every time after that.

The girls Madelynn and Maisy eating the "secret sauce" on their saltines.

They have kids' menus that you can color on too. Fun for them... and me too.

This was our very last mean at Kitchen's only days before Shannon past.

He never got the nachos but wanted to try somethign new.

His regular was the Shilou Plate.

He was going to do a section in his Beans, Bacon and Chopstick blog

about what I ate. He was fascinated by my food. He always teased me because I ate the oddest things.

This is my cripsy chicken salad with ranch and blue cheese crumbles. Not that weird.  

 Shannon's Blog... dreams left undone.

    http://beansbaconchopsticks.blogspot.com/

I hepled him with the name, made the design. A week before he passed, we ate at a couple of his favorite places downtown Mineola, Texas (our home town). I took pictures of his plate before he ate, posed him fork in hand and even the girls too. I wanted him to want to start blogging. But the passion just was not there for him He dreamed my dreams for me more than his own. I wonder if God made him to dream through me? I don't mean this selfishly... I mean, Shannon was a behind the stage man. He wanted to go unnoticed. He was humble down deep. He loved to see me shine. He revamped a vintage trailor to be my art studio. I never worked in it cause I didn't want to go out away from him to work. So, he moved all the stuff out years later and changed out dinging room we never ate in to my art studio. He never questioned my dreams. I was a grain of sand, he was my clam. I was a lump of coal, he was my mine. He brought out the best in me.

And now i am here.. with my blog... withough him. Still going... still dreaming.

I remember only a few days before he passed, that Friday night we were blessed with a date night to go see a friend act in a play and go eat dinner. Shannon always wanted an old car. That was one dream we had toghether. We promised one day we would do it and stopped road side many times to check out cars and consider. But that night we had our date... He almost broke his neck when he saw an old truck on the side of the road for sale. He pulled over, got out, stood on the side rail, peeked in. He just stood there dreaming. I remember looking at him and thinking, "Man, that is the most handsome Shannon has ever looked, standing there with dreams twinkling in his eyes, all passionate and sexy (sorry)". I did not tell him this though. But the way he lingered there on that truck, dreams in his eyes, passion inside.

But then let it go. Then he walked back to the car so we could drive back home to our little girls and our bed. He let them go... His dreams.

Five days later, he left us to something bigger and grander.

The place that holds all dreams.

That puts life into perspective for me, truly.

What dreams do I have that are not important? Which ones do I need to let go to God?

I know God took Shannon from me, and here I am lonely as i've ever been.

I have dreams not of finding another mate, bruildig another love, hope for a father figure for my girls to grow with. The desire to make new memories and move on to a happier place.

But, then I wonder... are these just dreams of MINE...not dreams of HIs.

What are dreams anyways?

Shannon lived to make my dreams grow and they produce fruit still and give life.

He left a earthly home that was not completed. I am here to finish the work

while he goes on to get things ready for us in our eternal home that will never fall.

His dreams are done. I just wonder if he is cheering us on form the cloud of witnesses.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (loved ones we lost),
let us also lay aside every encumbrance(dreaming dead-end dreams in vain), 
and the sin (selfishness) which so easily entangles us and
let us run with endurance the race that is set before us (God's dreams),
fixing our eyes on Jesus (seeing clearly eternity),
the author and perfecter of faith (He wrote our life, beginning to end),
who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."…
Hebrew 12:1

Is he seeing us from the grandstands, a witness from the clouds,
 trying to steer us to follow the dreams of eternal value, cheering us on?

I pray that I make the right choices,
and follow the ones that will lead to eternity and branching roads of opportunity

rather than chasing the selfish ones in vain that lead to dead ends.

 I pray we all do.

Thank you God for giving me Shannon for 10 years.
Thank you for his encouragement to nurture my creative dreams that magnify your presence.

He was so unselfish to dream through us, just watching from backstage and behing the camera lens...

You are greatly missed my love.

Your Forever Girls

Tabitha, Madelynn, and Maisy

A blog post dedicated to my best friend...

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/07/my-best-friend.html

Pity Pie... Deny Deny Deny.

Sometimes I get gloomy and down when I start to thinking about blogging, my art, my books, my poetry, my intense passions... and life. I start to look at other people and start feeling inadequate about my own life. I am sure we all do this. I will spend hours doing something that i think is for my own entertainment or well being, or something to make me feel closer to my Creator, but when nobody notices or comments... i just get all gloomy. It makes me reconsider my true intentions I guess. Because if it was really for ME or HIM that CREATED ME, then why should I care about what other people think? I know... but I do. I guess I feel like most of my art is for me to get closer to Christ or to help others get closer to Him. Then when no evidence of that is seen, I feel sad.

For example, I love to blog. I like to just organize my thoughts onto here because leaving them in my head is a dangerous idea. If I leave them in my head they get lost in all the mess of noodles up there and tangled around into knots. I always say I have "spaghetti for brains". I look at other blogs to get inspired, but then it just seems to do the opposite. All those people look so perfect and wonderfully artsy... then I start to feel down cause my blog has low views, 1 fan (THanks, Rocky), and little to no comments. How do some people get so much and get paid to do it?! Then I look at all the pretty people and wish I was better and start to feel like chopped meat in comparison. BOO HOO HOO! Then I proceed to the kitchen and cut myself a small slice of high calorie pity pie... then decide to just leave the measly slice and take the bigger part which makes me fat and I cry more. 

I hear God's voice tell me to get up and pull myself together... I have learned to talk to God in all circumstances, even if it is out of madness, anger, fear, doubt, or in this case self pity. So, I start to question and pray, "God, I am doing this blog, my art, my books, and my life walk for your glory... or at least that was my original intention.  I want to spread your love around in every avenue of my life and use the Lost Sock as a testimony of your greatness our weakness. Why do I feel so lonely in it all and have so little followers and friends? What am I doing wrong? Does anyone appreciate this, does anyone see me and love me? I mean REALLY love me... enough to listen to my ideas, read about my life, or study my art? Even my Mom, Dad, Sister, Husband, and daughters don't meet my standard of love. Every human every where has let me down in some form or fashion when it comes to affection. I want the deepest of the deep... the never leave, the never forsake, always listen, always care love! Where is it? What am I doing wrong? Why am I not good enough? Is anything I do worth anything to anybody out there? If this is all for good, then where are the followers, where is the fruit? Is it wrong to want to see something happen? Or is that glorifying myself? 

Hello, Hello, Hello... Echo, Echo, Echo.". 

I sit and wait patiently and God slowly floods my swarming mind with visions and scenes comes to me...

I see Christ's disciples, his followers, the Garden of Gethsemane,  the rooster, the Cross,
Peter on the shore,
and my heart in all humbleness slowly understands...
It understands that He understands just how I feel.

I had to let all these images He gave me soak in over the week.
So, i looked up each scene in the Bible to make sure I had it all right.
This helped me make sense of all that He was trying to tell me in my selfish pity...

Disciples at the Last Supper

 Matthew 26:34 & 35
As they ate the last supper, Peter promised Jesus he would never deny him and would walk to the death with him. This was Jesus's biggest follower and number one fan. He was the one that Jesus could depend on for his most important tasks. But still, Jesus knew he would deny him at the time when he needed him the most.When Jesus told him he would deny him that night three times before the rooster crows. His reply was,

"Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you".
At this moment, All of the other disciples claimed to agree with Peter.
Although Peter meant it at this moment with all his heart, he was not humanly capable of keeping his word.

Peter at the Garden of Gethsemane

Mark 26:36-38
Christ was feeling deeply sorrowful knowing what He was about to face. So, he asked Peter and two others to stay up and watch that night as he prayed in the garden. He had to wake them three times in 1 hour. They just could not wait to sleep and their physical bodies were incapable of the sacrifice Jesus was asking for. Peter said he would die for Jesus, but could not even stay awake for Him..

Christ's Arrest
Matthew 26:56
When the soldiers came to take him away, at that point

all of the disciples forsook Him and fled.
All their claims of love were proven false here.
Instead of following Him to death, they fled with their own lives.

Peter Denying Christ
Matthew 26:69-75
He was asked three times if he was a follower of Christ and each time denied his knowledge of Him,
all before the rooster crowed.

After the Resurrection, Jesus had

Breakfast with Peter on the Shore

Here they sit alone, with the Peter's denial at their feet. The Lord asks Peter two times if Peter TRULY Unconditionally (agape)  loves Him. Each time Peter says that he loves him like a brother (philao). But, it does not seem to be the answer Jesus was hoping for. So, he asks him again a third time if he loves him like a brother. The last time Peter gets sad, and replies that he does love Him like a brother. 

So, Peter through it all was not able to give Jesus the love that either of them truly wanted. Peter wanted to love him fully and unconditionally, but as a human in the flesh... I don't think we are capable of this love. 

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What I have learned...

I think God gave me these images of these times He was betrayed to help me realize that it doesn't matter what this world thinks of me. I may not have followers or be accepted.... ever. Even Christ's followers scattered in the end. A faithful follower was truly nowhere to be found. But His love for me is unconditional. And in his arms is the only place I will find this love. No matter how much I search for it in this life, I will be sorely disappointed. 

After Everyone's worldly love has failed my expectations, I have come to know this. I don't just want love... I want AGAPE, unconditional love! The kind of love Jesus wanted from Peter in John 21. Peter loved Jesus like Philao (brotherly love). I want to the love that will drop everything, deny everything, and sacrifice everything for me. God wants that same love from us. And He is the only one that will give us this Love in return. I have learned, that there is no human capable of it. But I think that's the whole point... this need inside for this certain kind of love is what drives us to seek for more. It moves us to look above the earth and into the Universe and it's Maker. He is the answer to the quest!

So, I guess when I feel like a reject of the world, I should be flattered and comforted by the verse, 

John 15:18-19, "If this world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to this world, it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

So, when I feel down cause others are more beautiful, popular, perfect, or loved by their followers... I have to decide if that is what I really want. Because, conforming and changing to be accepted by the world would mean selling out to Christ. I must think differently than the world and change my thinking....

Romans 12:2"Do not conform to the ways of this world, but rather be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

MY PRAYER

Thank you Lord for showing me these things and allowing me to see the truth. When I am feeling like nobody is following me... I should not look back, take your hand, and follow you. Thank you for loving me truly unconditionally. 

Amen

After thought: We all just need to be ourselves instead of trying to live up to what we think the world wants from us. We can never keep up with the rat race we call life. All we can do is the the true person God created us to be, and do it to the best of our ability.
Read this after-blog post for more art and theory on being yourself...
http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2013/05/r-u-real-you.html