I never wanted to be here in this place I am in
dealing with spinning emotions under my skin.
I am pulled from here to there
my duty calls me to motherly care.
I don't have the strength to answer thier cries
when i am laying here weak with tears in my own eyes.
They look at me with such needy faces
I am pulling my strength to fullfill them from the deepest places.
It takes all I have and I am left with only a crumb of my own
I am needing a meal in peace alone.
I am a mother bird with one single worm
feeding these mouths that continually squirm
is taking the breath out of me till I am worn thin and weak
with no strength to hunt for more to feed my own beak.
These days are so long and I hope to wake up
to a new day as fresh as the coffee in my cup.
Where I will realize all this was my dream
as I happily stir in my sweet cream...
But it hasn't happened yet and I know it never will.
My pain is lonliness and there is no healing pill.
I just keep praying for strength and for His way
but I am too tired now to continually pray.
I need to see something of this faith I hold tight,
but it is hard to see anything in this continual night.
I look all around and hope to feel His hand
or just something that will help me understand.
Why did he put me in this predicament,
I need an answer, a breath, just a hint...
It's just too much for me to keep inside
my faith is feeling on the slide...
God show me your love cause I need it right away
I am a boat lost at sea that is starting to sway.
Throw me a rope, let a whale swallow me...
whatever it is... I just want to see.
by Tabitha Seaton
a young widow