God gives us family, friends, children, and people of faith to give us a new perspective & help guide us through our walk with Him. I am more than ever now desiring to walk closely to my Heavenly Father because His Hand has proven present in how far I have come! I want more than my own breathe to make every move in His will. I am stronger now than I have been in my faith walk, but in my circumstances I am extremely weak an vulnerable. So my everyday prayer is for Christ to give me His perspective and discernment as I step forward in this mysterious journey of a young widow and single mother of faith.
Almost 8 months ago, my 35 year old husband & BFF, Shannon, of 10 years suddenly went to his eternal home and left behind a family that has to learn daily to survive without his presence. Old Relationships take a new confusing definition and time will only reveal their new structures. Times bring changes that were not wanted, but faith brings courage to take these changes and we continually find new life through what has died. Through our grief and despite our weakness, we grasp even stronger to the One that is solid and unchanging... Christ.
About 5 months ago, God have me a vision of a caterpillar in a pupa and revealed to me that this was my state He desired for my present to prepare me for what was to come. I wrote a post about it here if you desire to read it...
Maisy created this during her free time in Sunday School as a surprise for me, not knowing the vision God had given me a week or so before...
Maisy created this months later during church service...
God showed me that this vision He gave me was real by using those around me to confirm it. My daughter maisy, 6 years old, created these drawings above in church to give me much peace on confirmation of the vision.
As I went through a metamorphosis, I began to grow stronger in dependence upon Him only. I also learned what elements if my life needed some weeding & pruning. See blog post here....
Through this walk (and still today) I craved to be in His presence in the wide open. When i am alone in the Secret place, i feel His presence. A place I like to run to and retreat in order to meditate is to the Mineola Nature Preserve. It is so big and grand that it makes me feel so small and humble. I feel Him all around!
A lot of tourists go there because of their curiosity of BigFoot, but I go there because serenity of the BigHand ;)
After all the times of going to the preserve to pray, draw, walk, and think... I never realized that I was literally in the "Palm of God's Hand"!
This is a view of the area where I often sit at the park to draw out what God has laid on my heart to create. This is my way to release cathartically what I have inside to share with others around me , or sometimes just for me and Him.
I took a special new artist friend here on a trip months ago, to share with Him how I like to be in the panarama of the earth to feel His presence when I create. We were all set to draw with pencils, charcoal, and sketch pads... Looking in and around , just Waiting on inspiration. As I looked within me, he looked outside of himself at what was around us both. As I curiously sat to see what he would draw, I found that he had a special observing eye for the external that I was myself was lacking. As we both looked out onto these rows of marsh below us, he saw something amazing...The Hand of God!
"God's Hand" by Todd Morgan
So, that is what he drew! I love it... God truly does bring friends to us to widen our perspective & show us things we would not have seen on our own! Sometimes these things are right in front of our face just waiting to be noticed!
Through these months in between I was wiggling out of my spiritual pupa, but unsure of the safety to come out. Was God done remaking me? Were my new wings strong enough to go higher? We're new eyes prepared enough to see the light again?
I prayed for a sign of whether or not I was strong enough & ready to move on from the pain and loss of my husband from 7 months earlier. God has been singing lullabies to me in my state and I had grown very comfortable there in the spiritual routine of my life. My Nights had gone from dark and lonely to calm and comfortable knowing I was resting in His loving winged embrace in the stillness of my pupa of peace. His shadow has no darkness!
Although I had grown comfortable into this place, I knew it was not God's will for me to stay forever. God had bigger plans for me that required me to fly... And He was almost done nursing me back to health. So, I began to pray and wait for God to show me the right time to move forward & let go of the painful past... There was light on the horizon and I glimpsed the sliver of it's glimmer and felt the warmth of it's light!
Months after this eye-opening artistic adventure with my new friend and prayers for His gentle nudge to flutter forward, my wiser & older sister, Debby shared with me a vision God had given her for me. She said that she awoke late one night to seeing me sitting on my regular spot at the nature preserve with my art tools at hand. I was looking within and waiting for inspiration to begin drawing. I looked out at the windmill, a symbol of a physical object powered by something invisible (faith) and watched a butterfly fluttering in the distance (my metamorphic state). Still, seeing these things I continued looking deeper within for inspiration. As I continued searching for it to come, the butterfly came closer and began to flutter in my face and make me smile, laugh and be happy! God had put my inspiration there in the physical and I was still looking inside! I had to change my perspective to see what He was trying to show me! I was ready to make my move, draw my mark on the empty white page that laid at my hand. No more waiting for His nudge... He was dangling my happiness right there in front of me and I was too busy with my head in the clouds over-analyzing and being introverted (how my spaghetti brain works!)
So, I know God is lovingly pushing me from my comfortable nest to spread my widow wings and search the wide open world for His Greater Plan!
On this beautiful day I am blessed to get away once again to my special spot of peace, God's Hand at the Mineola Nature Preserve! My girls are at their Graham's house and Spring is in the warm windy air. I'm pulling back my hair and putting on my shorts to go have my time with my main man, my J.C., my Heavenly Father, the Prince of my Peace, my Healer, my Everything... Jesus!
Packing up my prayer shawl and daily devotional to meditate and pray for God to clear the way...
Besides the Bible, this is THE BEST book I have ever read in all my walk. It guides me though my grief and into His presence day by day. It's always right on key with exactly what I need!
Sitting here inside His palm the view is different. I am sitting by the pinky of His left hand, probably the weakest finger on the weakest hand... But His strength is ever present in my weakness.
His peace with you on your journey. Thank you Lord for giving me friends and family to share their perspective with love & without judgement. May I always learn to take these nuggets of truth to You, My Heavenly Father, to give me the weight and value of the words. May I focus on my blessings more than my problems, and your strength more than my fears. For your left pinky holds more power than this world could ever ponder... In Your Son Jesus's Holy Name, Amen.