Grieving is such an emotional roller coaster. It's been over a year since Shannon, my husband of 10 years, left for Eternal Paradise. There is peace in knowing that it was all part of God's plan. I know Shannon is up there with our Father preparing a place for us to go after here... But the part that grieves me the most is mostly self pity in whats left here on Earth for us to sort through. Just because the biggest bump in the ride is behind us doesn't mean we won't be thrown for loops ahead. They seem to come from nowhere...
Ok... So just when I am starting to feel "happy" again, I am struck with panic and fear! New love is here with words of comforting promise... But I can't seem to shake a fear of moving forward in life. Right now my life is so "up in the air" and I am deeply desiring a place to land and re-root. It's hard to relax at times when you know your life is in a sort of transport stAte and there's nothing beneath but air just whisping through your dangling roots. Even scarier is knowing there's young life in the basket with you that is depending on you to comfort them in the time you are feeling craziest of all.
The sad part is thAt through this life I've grown a little tougher & realer... And in the process grown to fear happiness. It seems that at that sudden moment in life when your heart takes a snap shot of all you hold and grasps the true meaning of happiness in life... Well, it all kind of crumbles away. Happiness is fleeting and temporary. It's a glimpse you soak in and remember in contrast to the crumbles. I was happy and know I will be again. But I realize too, that when happiness is only a worldly & temporary emotion... Joy is an everlasting spirit deep reality that is soaked so far into the root of me... That no matter where my life floats to, this Joy can never be removed from my spirit. Planted or plummeting... It follows me everywhere. My life is not defined by my circumstances that come and go, but is defined only by what my spirit roots eternally contain.
So, after my panic attack... Roller coaster loop... Freak out session... Pity party...Or whatever you want to label it, I had no choice but to grab the empty white things around me and fill them up with my mark, my art, my voice, my spirit, my faith, my feelings... I just let it all out.
Take it from me... A young widow, single mom, starting life over lady;
Don't be afraid grieving souls to Just take a cry... Take a breathe! When living day by day is too much , live breath by breath. When you can't breathe... When you feel like your drowning, Ask Him that rotates the Earth to breath for you & on you. Let Him give your spirit CPR, take you where you need to go. Let go of life and let Him carry you with His invisible love. For it is the things that we cannot see here on this EArth that will remAin in eternity. Joy, peace, love. Have faith in things that are beyond sight. Test your trust... In the breath of the One who gave you your first breath.
Passion for Hot Air Balloons spills over into my classroom life....
see art lessons plans on this top here.