Up in the Air...

Grieving is such an emotional roller coaster. It's been over a year since Shannon, my husband of 10 years, left for Eternal Paradise. There is peace in knowing that it was all part of God's plan. I know Shannon is up there with our Father preparing a place for us to go after here... But the part that grieves me the most is mostly self pity in whats left here on Earth for us to sort through. Just because the biggest bump in the ride is behind us doesn't mean we won't be thrown for loops ahead. They seem to come from nowhere... 

Ok... So just when I am starting to feel "happy" again, I am struck with panic and fear! New love is here with words of comforting promise... But I can't seem to shake a fear of moving forward in life. Right now my life is so "up in the air" and I am deeply desiring a place to land and re-root. It's hard to relax at times when you know your life is in a sort of transport stAte and there's nothing beneath but air just whisping through your dangling roots. Even scarier is knowing there's young life in the basket with you that is depending on you to comfort them in the time you are feeling craziest of all. 

The sad part is thAt through this life I've grown a little tougher & realer... And in the process grown to fear happiness. It seems that at that sudden moment in life when your heart takes a snap shot of all you hold and grasps the true meaning of happiness in life... Well, it all kind of crumbles away. Happiness is fleeting and temporary. It's a glimpse you soak in and remember in contrast to the crumbles. I was happy and know I will be again. But I realize too, that when happiness is only a worldly & temporary emotion... Joy is an everlasting spirit deep reality that is soaked so far into the root of me... That no matter where my life floats to, this Joy can never be removed from my spirit. Planted or plummeting... It follows me everywhere. My life is not defined by my circumstances that come and go, but is defined only by what my spirit roots eternally contain. 

Poem below & styrofoam breakfast plate art wAs created in a meeting that I lost control of my emotions in. Roller coaster emotions can not be planned out. You may cry in the middle of the check out line of a grocery store and have to abandon a cart of frozen food to get it all together in a private stall of a public bathroom! Who knows... But the point is that if we are "afraid" to cry loud in a crowd... Then we are cowards. It is those thAt cry in the midst of pride that find an unexplainable strength and power in just letting go.

So, after my panic attack... Roller coaster loop... Freak out session... Pity party...Or whatever  you want to label it, I had no choice but to grab the empty white things around me and fill them up with my mark, my art, my voice, my spirit, my faith, my feelings... I just let it all out. 

Take it from me... A young widow, single mom, starting life over lady; 

Don't be afraid grieving souls to Just take a cry... Take a breathe! When living day by day is too much , live breath by breath. When you can't breathe... When you feel like your drowning, Ask Him that rotates the Earth to breath for you & on you. Let Him give your spirit CPR, take you where you need to go. Let go of life and let Him carry you with His invisible love. For it is the things that we cannot see here on this EArth that will remAin in eternity. Joy, peace, love. Have faith in things that are beyond sight. Test your trust... In the breath of the One who gave you your first breath. 

Passion for Hot Air Balloons spills over into my classroom life.... 

see art lessons plans on this top here. 

http://tabithaannthelostsock.blogspot.com/2014/11/hot-air-balloon-unit.html

I boast in my weaknesses...

Seeing Beauty in the Broken

The past three weekends have been an amazing but exhausting race. I've been traveling back and forth to my home town to see my family, new love, & looking for answers to where life is taking me... It's all so fast and I'm getting slightly dizzy. So... God lovingly weaved a weekend of peace and tranquility for me that was much needed!

Today was such a blessing! I was spoiled this Saturday morning by waking up late (never happends) in a home all alone. My 2 girls were staying at their Graham's the night. So, I was psyched to have some time alone. I was desperately seeking to spend time fully focused on hearing Gods voice... After my coffee, shower, and another cup of coffee I headed out to just be free...

As always, when I have free time, my initial plan is to meet God at the Nature Preserve... But on my way there, 

I decided to stop by the Kindness Cottage, one of our local thrift shops. Pulling out of my garage, I took the long way to the shop so I could see one of my favorite houses in town. This is a house that a year ago, my late husband and I were somewhat dreaming of buying and restoring. We live in a beautiful new home that we fashioned to look old... but always talked about how much we long for a real old home. This old home had been previously owned by some drug addicts that had greatly neglected it. That fact & the sad estate of it all scared us too bad to further consider the possibility. But is was a very special house because of it's unique architectural features; rounded doorways and windows, inlet brickwork, intricate windows, and more. Every roll past this house tugged at my heart in hope for more, knowing it was not fulfilling it's purpose. It was destined for greater life. It was undeniably unique, but never the less... Broken. 

As I drove by the house while listening to my Jesus Jams, singing loud and smiling with my windows down & head in the clouds. I was expecting to see the usual overgrown weeds, empty flower beds and brokenness...

But as I looked up from steering, I was shocked! It was an unexpected scene that appeared before my eyes. The broken house was now beautiful! What was brown before was now green, what was tilted was now straight, what was dirty was now clean, what was hidden was now exposed, what was broken was now mended, and what was dead was now alive with love! 

My eyes welled up with tears... I was not only sweetly surprised by the restored beauty but even more surprised by dramatic yet sincere reaction. Why was I crying? Then I noticed the owner looking out the window of the rounded door and I felt like an emotionally unstable psycho stalker lady. So I Snapped a photo and drove off...

Why was I crying?... No!! I'm not PMSing, not menapausal, not pregnant... It was the Spirit touching me. He was revealing Himself to me. 

 That house was a dream we were  scared to live. The risk was too great & task too big! We saw the beauty but were not strong enough for the job. In our reality... It wasn't worth it.  But somebody else took it on! What dreams do I have that I am letting slip by out of fear? God saw me 6 years ago, when I was broken... All my intricately unique qualities that I had covered with selfish sin. I let things slip, neglected my own keep up, and felt worthless and broken.  He saw all my vain wasted talent, knowing I could be doing more. He was just waiting for my surrender.... When I opened my door to Him, He cleaned me up with love so that others could see my real beauty and my true purpose in life could begin. 

God created us in His image, as creative restorers designed to see beauty in brokenness. He hides beauty so we can uncover, discover, and restore it to it's original design... It's intended purposeful beauty. We are designed to search for the best in things, to peel back old layers in excitement & hope for the new. We long to find treasure, to discover a unique design. We appreciate differences in structures & finding beauty in the broken. Just as our heart longs for these things... This is Our Father's heart too! His greatest desire is To see us surrender, open up our doors, so that He can come in to restore His design to its original purpose that got lost in the brokenness. 

God's will is the Garden of Eden, Heaven on Earth, a place of perfect peace where His creation can walk hand in hand with Him in daily communion...

 But just like that house, our sinfully dirty addictions messed the perfect design & plan all up! We seem hopeless to worldly spectators with little faith. But He knows the blueprint of our lives & this world... His greatest desire is now to restore His will here. He wants to bring earth & all His creation back to it's original design!!! 

Strangely, This transformed house and my shopping plans began to connect... The thrill I get from thrift shopping was a way for me to connect to my Creator's Heart. I feel such deep fulfillment in seeing worth in broken or unwanted things that are surrendered to second hands. They are entrusted to my hands to make them new again. It's my purpose to mend the holes, rid the stains, or embellish the imperfections. Through eyes of hope, I see them as new again. 

Driving away from this house towards the thrift shop, I felt The Lord so close. I felt like He was laying out special spots along my day's path like rose petals leading to treasure. 

(Above: Treasure at Kindness Cottage that inspired me)

So, I made it to my Heaven on Earth... The Mineola Nature Preserve.

I plopped myself on a picnic blanket, ate my Sonic kids meal, listened to my Jesus Jams some more, and pulled out my art kit. What should I draw Lord? What are you telling me today?

Sitting here connecting, praising & creating is when I feel my absolute closest to God... My true worship and expression of love. Out in vast space of Nature all around me, alone with no distraction. Every sense is revealing His presence ; sounds of praise filling my ears (from my playlist & nature), smell of grass, sights of never ending country, and the feel of the wArm sun and cool breeze combined. The beauty of it all is the very One that Created this is calling me, a broken sinner, to create for Him!!! My every intricate detail of how He created me to live is being fulfilled here... I am living the Legacy He planned for me... Here is where He fills me up to overflowing! Here is my Heaven on Earth, my Garden of Eden.

Now this filling can't be contained! That's the whole point.... It is designed to spill out for others to see His love through my work. It is the most satisfying feeling I will ever have. 

God is trying to tell me... Tell Everybody, to slow down. Live in the moment, the here and now. Smell the flowers, feel the sun, raise your antennas to Him and listen for His voice. What is He showing you NOW? Shhhhhhhh..... Listen close. Be still. Escape the noise and run to His sanctuary. There you will find Heavenly peace that surpasses Earthly understanding.

It's time to leave my Secret Place and go pick up my bundles of Blessings from their Graham's house. She sits with her girls on her front porch. She tells us that the porch is her "Heaven on Earth". This is where she sits to devote her moments to Him, where she feels Him close. We all have our own idea of Heaven...

Heaven to me is feeling free, fearless, careless, safe, secure, worshipful and joyfulness.
Our only purpose there will be to Praise and Worship the Father in whatever way that is to us.
That may be creating art, rocking on the porch, or making mud pies.
The Bible says we are to be like a child to enter the Kingdom.
There will be no parental responsibilities for us to bear, no worry of their safety.
We are all His children and He is our Great Father!
So, when we enter Heaven we become in care of the Greatest Father ever. We will be safe and secure, no tear will appear, no darkness, no time, no hurry, no fear of death, no negative words, just pure worship and freedom to be adventurous in the never ending openness of the Heaven Realms. There will be new discovery around EVERY corner. We can swim the depths of the ocean and not be afraid. We can climb the tallest tree and never fall. We can run across the fields and not get thorns in our feet. 
We are free to play because our Father is watching us and He is everywhere!

It is Gods' will for Heaven to enter earth.
"Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our Daily Bread..."
Let Heaven come to us as we do your will here, and let us not worry about the morrow, but trust in today's blessings.
Don't hurry, don't worry, don't forget to smell the flowers...

Ended the beautiful blessed day with dirt and water....

Which when you add them together... They make mud pies... Something dirty to others, but beautiful in my eyes. 

Maybe in Heaven, Mud Pies will taste delicious. I am sure they will. 

May you be blessed by reading this. I pray that each person find beauty in the broken, treasure in trash, & hope and purpose in something as simple as a "lost sock". Amen. 

Isaiah 66:7-9 spirit illustration

This paper-cut out illustration is a branch-off from my previous post...

http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2014/04/jeremiah-17-7-8-spirit-illustration.html

I am using clippings from obituaries in the newspaper as the blooms from the flowers. To me, this symbolizes pain from loss of a loved one not being in vain. God does not give death the last word. From the pain of loss comes new growth and new hope. Isaiah 66:7-9 says, "Before her pain came, she delivered a son. Who has heard of such a thing? Shall the earth be made to bring forth in one day? Or shall a nation be born at once?... I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Just as the pains of birth come, so follows new life. Nothing good comes easily. Nothing strong is built quickly. Sacrifice births life and peace. Look at the cross. 

Sometimes tragedy happens to us and we are left with nothing but questions and possibly doubt. Personally, Through death my faith grew. Our perspective changed. We live still... But in a new light. I believe more now in what I can't see, trust more in the unknown, and cling to hope for new life and second chances. I will never know why The Lord too my husband from his family at the young age of 35. But I will never selfishly want him to return the this world of death, because I know where he is nothing ever dies. It is hope I hold to and faith in eternity that keeps me moving. I refuse to let death defeat me or my family and the life we are still living here on Earth. God is not done with us... We still have a purpose. God is using us for His kingdom and we are gonna keep making life. 

Jeremiah 17: 7-8 Spirit illustration

 

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Amplified Bible (AMP)

^"[Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord,

 and whose hope and confidence the Lord is.

For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit."

 

Above 1: After Sharpie doodle

Above 2: After colored pencil shading and highlighting

 

Usually I get ideas by being inspired by music, quotes, my surroundings, or other artists work. 

I was very inspired by this Del Barber poster I found online...

I loved the layers of the subdued colors stacked together with the texture defining brown lines on all the objects. I was fascinated by the way they exposed the layers of dirt below to show the roots and it reminded me of how we should root ourselves in Christ... or we will be fearful & fruitless.

So, I used the verse in Jeremiah for my Biblical Inspiration.

 

As an art teacher, I just got done teaching my students about Paper Cut-Out method done by Henri Matisse. So, I decided to use the paper cut out to get the layers I wanted of the background paper to doodle on top of. 

I started with manilla for my foreground (tree trunk and dirt), 

then brown (leaves, nest, grass, and roots), 

pink (bird and fruit),

baby blue (water), 

and finally sage green (background sky). 

You can see some of the Matisse lessons we did here if desired on my LostSock Art Teacher Blog...

http://tabithaannthelostsock.blogspot.com/2014/04/matisse-inspired-lessons.html

After I glued down the paper cut-outs, I then used Sharpies (brown, green, and rasperry) to doodle the texture on each part. After the doodle, I used colored pencils to add shading and highlights to the landscape. For the final step, I used this iridescent paper that I have been hording since childhood to cut a piece just right to layer over my water. 

I enjoyed this process so much I am planning on making more in the very near future!

Now you can too!

Light & Salvation by Tabitha Seaton

I cannot get rid of this image in my head the last week. It is of a strong bold and colorful flower growing toward the sun. It gravitates towards the source of it's strength as if it is only think that matters. Although the other flowers around it are growing a different way, it is not concerned with it's surroundings. The only thing that matters in this landscape is that the flower and "Son" are one. They are beyond the physical realm and exist in the spirit. The "Son" is the Light where the flower is drawn to for strength and the blood is the nourishing Salvation.

Since my life has been drastically changed by circumstance, I feel as though I am this flower. Hard rains may beat me down here, but it's moisture makes me stronger. I am aware there is a season for all things in order to make His will work. In the seasons of storms, I learn to lean on a higher power beyond my own. I am here on earth, knowing it is His plan for me... But my gaze is upward, my heart is His, my hope is Heaven, and my desire to to point others to Him. The more I grow towards the Spirit, the more the things around me become only silhouettes on the horizon. My gaze is higher as I gain a new perspective.

 

 I used the same image here in a lesson example for my students 

while studying Henri Matisse's paper cut out methods.

 

Read more about Matisse Paper Cut-outs here...

 http://thelostsocklife.blogspot.com/2014/04/matisse-paper-cut-outs.html

and how to teach the technique to students here..

http://tabithaannthelostsock.blogspot.com/2014/04/matisse-inspired-lessons.html